Getting Past No by William Ury [Book Summary #7]

Rating: 7/10

Getting Past No is wonderfully written; Ury's prose flows like a river. It's clear he took great pains to make his sentences as straight-forward as possible. That said, I think there could have been some more actionable suggestions (admittedly, if I had not read Secrets of Power Negotiating, I most likely would not have had this note, and would have rated this book higher than a 7).

My Notes

"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."

Step 1: Don't React (Go to the Balcony)

-Three Natural Reactions:

1. Strike Back
2. Give In
3. Break Off

*Go to the Balcony: "Object react. Minds can choose not to." Imagine you are negotiating on a stage and then imagine yourself climbing onto a balcony overlooking the stage. The "balcony" is a metaphor for a mental attitude of detachment. 

-Keep Your Eyes on the Prize

• Identify your interests: not your position (concrete), but Why you take position. Just as important to understand opponent's interests.
• Identify your BATNA--Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement. Key to negotiating power; better your BATNA, the more leverage you possess. 
• Decide if you should negotiate
• Stay focused on your goal

-Name the Game; Three Kinds of Tricks

1. Stone Walls
2. Attacks
3. Tricks

     A) Recognize the Tactic

     B) Know Your Hot Buttons

     C) Buy Time to Think:

• Pause and Say Nothing
• Rewind the Tape
• Take a Time-out
• Don't Make Important Decisions on the Spot

     D) Don't Get Mad, Don't Get Even, Get What You Want

Step 2: Disarm Them (Step to Their Side)

"To disarm your opponent, you need to do the opposite of what he expects. If he is stonewalling, he expects you to apply pressure; if he is attacking, he expects you to resist. So don't pressure; don't resist. Step to his side. Listen to him, acknowledge his point, and agree whenever you can."

-Listen Actively

• Give Your Opponent a Hearing
• Paraphrase and Ask for Corrections

-Acknowledge the Point

• Acknowledge Your Opponent's Feelings
• Offer an Apology
• Project Confidence

-Agree Whenever You Can

• Agree without Conceding
• Accumulate Yeses  
• Tune in to Your Opponent's Wavelength

-Acknowledge the Person

• Acknowledge Her Authority and Competence
• Build a Working Relationship

Express Your Views--without Provoking

• Don't Say "But"; Say "Yes...And" [Just as Dale Carnegie Suggests]
• Make I-Statements, Not You-Statements
• Stand Up for Yourself
• Acknowledge Your Differences with Optimism 

-Create a Favorable Climate for Negotiation

Step 3: Change the Game (Don't Reject...Reframe)

-To Change the Game, Change the Frame

-Ask Problem-Solving Questions

• Ask Why
• Ask Why Not
• Ask What If

"Since judging inhibits creativity, invent first and evaluate later."

• Ask for Your Opponent's Advice
• Ask "What Makes that Fair?"
• Make Your Questions Open-Ended
• Tap the Power of Silence

-Reframe Tactics:

1. Go Around Stone Walls

• Ignore the Stone Wall
• Reinterpret the Stone Wall as an Aspiration
• Take the Stone Wall Seriously, but Test It

2. Deflect Attacks

• Ignore the Attacks
• Reframe an Attack on You as an Attack on the Problem
• Reframe a Personal Attack as Friendly
• Reframe from Past Wrongs to Future Remedies
• Reframe from "You" and "Me" to "We".

3. Expose Tricks

• Ask Clarifying Questions
• Make a Reasonable Request
• Turn the Trick to Your Advantage

-Negotiate About the Rules of the Game

• Bring It Up
• Negotiate about the Negotiation

Step 4: Make It Easy to Say Yes (Build Them a Golden Bridge)

-Obstacles to Agreement

1. Not His Idea
2. Unmet Requests
3. Fear of Losing Face
4. Too Much Too Fast

-Build a Golden Bridge

-Involve Your Opponent

• Ask for and Build on Your Opponent's Ideas
• Ask for Constructive Criticism
• Offer Your Opponent a Choice

-Satisfy Unmet Interests

• Don't Dismiss Your Opponent as Irrational
• Don't Overlook Basic Human Needs
• Don't Assume a Fixed Pie
• Look for Low-Cost, High-Benefit Trades
• Use an If-Then Formula

-Help Your Opponent Save Face

• Help Him Back Away without Backing Down

-Show How Circumstances have Changed

-Ask for a Third-Party Recommendation

-Point to a Standard of Fairness

• Help Write Your Opponent's Victory Speech

-Go Slow to Go Fast

• Guide Your Opponent Step by Step
• Don't Ask for a Final Commitment Unit the End
• Don't Rush to the Finish

Step 5: Make It Hard to Say No (Bring Them to Their Senses, Not Their Knees)

*Use Power to Educate.

*Let Your Opponent Know the Consequences.

• "What do you think will happen if we don't agree?"
• "What do you think I will do?"
• "What will you do?
• Warn, don't threaten.
• Demonstrate your BATNA.

*Use Your BATNA, Defuse the Reaction.

• Deploy your BATNA without provoking.
• Use the minimum power necessary.
• Use legitimate means.

-Tap the Third Force.

• Build a coalition; use 3rd parties to stop attacks; use 3rd parties to promote negotiation. 

*Keep Sharpening Your Opponent's Choice.

• Let your opponent know he has a way out.
• Let your opponent choose.
• Even when you can win, negotiate.  

*Forge a Lasting Agreement.

• Keep implementation in mind.
• Design the deal to minimize your risks.
• Build in a dispute resolution procedure.
• Reaffirm the relationship.

*Aim for mutual satisfaction, not victory.

Recap:

1. Go to the balcony.
2. Step to their side.
3. Don't reject...reframe. 
4. Build them a golden bridge.
5. Bring them to their senses, not their knees.