Rating: 10/10
This book speaks for itself. It's on the lists and book shelves of writers and readers of the most prestigious magazines. Dale Carnegie offers sage advice in clean easy-to-read copy. I highly recommend How to Win Friends and Influence People to everyone.
My Notes
Principle 1: Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.
-Only one way to get anybody to do anything. You have to make the other person want to do it.
- Fueled by desire to be important.
Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation.
*"I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement."
-Charles Schwab
Principle 3: Arouse in the other person an eager want.
*"If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own."
-Henry Ford
Principle 4: Become genuinely interested in other people.
-"It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring."
Principle 5: Smile.
"Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."
-Abraham Lincoln
"A man without a smiling face must not open a shop."
-Chinese Proverb
Principle 6: Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
Principle 7: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Principle 8: Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
Principle 9: Make the other persons feel important--and do it sincerely.
Principle 10: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
-A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.
"If you argue and rankle and contradict you may achieve victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent's good will."
-Ben Franklin
"Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love."
-Buddha
How to keep a disagreement from becoming an argument:
- Welcome the disagreement
- Distrust your first instinctive impression
- Control your temper
- Listen first
- Look for areas of agreement
- Be honest
- Promise to think over your opponent's ideas and study them carefully
- Thank your opponent sincerely for their interest
- Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem
"Men must be taught as if you taught them not
And things unknown proposed as things forgot."
-Alexander Pope
"You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself."
-Galileo
"Be wiser than other people if you can; but do not tell them so."
-Lord Chesterfield
"One thing only I know, and that is that I know nothing."
-Socrates
Principle 12: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
Principle 13: Begin in a friendly way.
"He who treads softly goes far." -Chinese Proverb
Principle 14: Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
Principle 15: Let the other person do a great deal of talking.
Principle 16: Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
Principle 17: Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
"I would rather walk the sidewalk in front of a person's office for two hours before an interview than step into that office without a perfectly clear idea of what I was going to say and what that person--from my knowledge of his or her interests and motives--was likely to answer."
Principle 18: Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
"Sympathy the human species universally craves. The child eagerly displays his injury; or even inflicts a cut or bruise in order to reap abundant sympathy. For the same purpose adults...show their bruises, relate their accidents, illness, especially details of surgical operations. 'Self-pity' for misfortunes real or imaginary is, in some measure, practically a universal practice."
Principle 19: Appeal to the nobler motives.
Principle 20: Dramatize your ideas.
Principle 21: Throw down a challenge.
"The way to get things done is to stimulate competition. I do not mean in a sordid, money-getting way, but in the desire to excel." -Charles Schwab
"All men have fears, but the brave put down their fears and go forward, sometimes to death, but always to victory." -King's Guard in ancient Greece
Principle 22: Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
Principle 23: Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
-Change 'but' statements to 'and' statements.
Principle 24: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
Principle 25: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
Principle 26: Let the other person save face.
Principle 27: Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be 'hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.'
"Compared with what we ought to be, we are only half awake. We are making use of only a small part of our physical and mental resources. Stating the thing broadly, the human individual thus lives far within his limits. He possesses powers of various sorts which he habitually fails to use."
-William James
Principle 28: Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
Principle 29: Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
Principle 30: Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
Guidelines for when it is necessary to change attitudes or behavior:
- Be sincere. Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on the benefits to the other person.
- Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.
- Be empathetic. Ask yourself what it is the other person really wants.
- Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest.
- Match those benefits to the other person's wants.
- When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea the he personally will benefit.
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